


After we saved the world, where do we go ?

by Maelis97



Category: Mr. Robot (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, But also happy stuff, Developing Relationship, F/F, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Minor Character Death, Post-Canon, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:34:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21978139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maelis97/pseuds/Maelis97
Summary: After they saved the world and the Dark Army is gone, it's time to get back to normal. But how do we get back to normal when we never knew what normal is ?About healing, growing up, love and grief.
Relationships: Darlene Alderson/Dominique DiPierro
Comments: 10
Kudos: 48





	1. By herself

**Author's Note:**

> I'm french so I'll probably make a bunch of mistake, sorry for that. If someone is willing to read me and fix those mistake before I publish it would be very nice, just send me a message or leave a comment. Also this is my first fic, I hope it will be at least a bit good anyway.  
> Have a nice day!

Darlene checked her phone. Again. But still, nothing. 

It’s been 3 days already, since Elliot wake up, and since she told Dom she stayed in New-York. But she didn’t answer, and Darlene couldn’t help checking her phone every five minutes. Fuck, she felt like a teenager. She missed Dom. She also kind of missed the fake Elliot. Her brother has been back 3 days ago and even if they were now closer than before, it was a bit weird. But well, what wasn’t weird with them, after all ?

She was looking for an apartment and currently late for a tour. She couldn’t stay at Elliot’s place forever, she had money on side to pay a rent for a little while – thank to the hack -, at least long enough to have some time to find a job. Maybe she’ll call Leon. Maybe she’ll call Dom’s contact. Fuck, why couldn’t Dom just answer her fucking text.  
She totally knew why. Dark Army was over. It was all over the news. Dom has nothing to do with her now, nothing to do with the girl who ruined her life. She thought that they were better, that all this shit was behind them, but apparently, she was wrong. Dom didn’t seem like to want her in her life anymore. It was over. It was time to let go and to try to get back to normal. Well more to start something normal. Something new.

She finally arrives at the apartment. It was nice. She wasn’t totally able to picture herself living here, maybe because it looked warm, and home, and comfy. She wasn’t used to this, to a warm comfy home. But maybe she could play video games here and Elliot will come over. She could have friends staying for diner. She could read a book on her couch on cold Sunday. Okay, maybe she could see herself there. It seems so nice that it didn’t felt real. But Angela will never come over after dance. Dom will never wake up by her side on her bed. That hurt. That felt real. Darlene took a deep breath, and count to 3. She wanted to sign the papers for this place, not have a mental breakdown. She was becoming better at this. She smiled. She was okay. She was safe. And, hopefully, she was home. Well she will be in a week, when she’ll get her keys and she will finally be able to move in. 

She got out of the apartment, and suddenly, she just yells in the street :  
\- FUCK YEAH !

She’s okay. She’s home.

And she doesn’t see the notification on her phone. The small text message, saying : “I’m in Budapest. I think I need a break from everything. I’m glad everything is over. See u when I’ll come back”. Because, for a moment, she’s happy with herself.


	2. Couch conversations

Today was the day, and Darlene was way too much excited about that. She had recovered her key in the morning, and now they were putting all her new stuff in place. She funds some furniture for the living room on eBay, and she buy a new king size bed for her room. The apartment came with a fridge and an equipped kitchen, so she didn’t have to think too much about that, which was really useful. Maybe she will learn to cook more than just pasta with butter and salt. She took three beers out of the fridge and open them. 

\- “Hey guys, are you done with the bed ?  
\- In a minute !” Leon answers.

This guy has been a real friend for Elliot, she thought. Maybe she should make some friends, some really good friends, the kind who help you move out or leaving the country with fake papers. Well she won’t be needing this kind of favor anymore, at least she hopes so.

\- “Done !” Leon says while taking a beer on the table and letting himself fall on the couch. “Why your girlfriend doesn’t help you move out ?  
\- She’s not my girlfriend, dude. Plus, she’s not here anymore.  
\- Shit bro, she died ?!  
\- Nope, she took the plane. The one I didn’t take.  
\- Well that’s tuff.” 

Darlene just took a sip of her beer. A big one. Elliot took his bottle and starts drinking too. Leon did a whole monologue about Steinfeld and Elliot seems to be listening, or maybe he’s just lost in his own thought, like Darlene is. It’s been a week and she still didn’t answer Dom’s text. And Dom didn’t reach out either. Maybe they’re over, since Dom said everything is. It hurts, but she doesn’t exactly what’s hurt or why. All she can think about, is her missing Dom and how much she screwed up.

\- “Darlene ?  
\- Hmm, yeah ?  
\- So, about that job, d’you want it ?  
\- Oh.” This option is the easy one. Some hacker job, well paid, no questions ask, no dress code, no 8Am-5PM rule, no small talk. Easy, peasy, lemon, squeezy. Her old habits. 

But she had to break that circle, even if Dom isn’t a part of her life anymore. She needs to do it for herself. Damn, she wants to. “No, thanks, that won’t be necessary. I’m on something else.

\- Okay, cool. If your thing doesn’t work out give me a call, we always need someone with your skills. And you Elli, need a job ?  
\- I’m okay, bro. CIA new crew member, remember ?  
\- I’m still not buying that shit actually, but cool. Anyway, I have to go. See you soon guys.” Then, facing Elliot : “Don’t be a ghost.  
\- I’ll try.” Elliot says, smiling. 

Darlene notices how much she was missing his smile. Leon leaves, and it’s just her and Elliot. Gosh, that’s weird. Even after ten days, that’s weird. 

\- “Soooo, weed ?” She asks. Because maybe weed will make it easier.  
\- “Yeah”  
They start smoking and soon enough, it’s not that weird. They put an old horror movie and there’s a scene with a cop, and Elliot says, slowly :  
\- “You know, in this weird world in my head, she was there.  
\- Who ?  
\- Dominique.” 

And just like that, Darlene is speechless. And thanks god, for one time, Elliot keeps talking.

\- “She was a cop just like this one. With the cap and everything. She gave me a traffic ticket cause I didn’t park right. Well, not to me, to the other one, the one who was with you last year. But still, she was there. What I’m trying to say is, she must be really important for you if she was there. If she was in my mind. Even if I barely know her.  
\- So Dom was just a regular cop and you didn’t realize something was off ?”

She avoids the “very important” part of his little speech. Old defense mechanism. Old bad habit.

\- “What do you mean ?  
\- Well she’s… Dom. She’s way too smart, ambitious and work devoted to just be a cop. She’s meant to be much more than some small cop giving traffic ticket, she’s meant to be some badass FBI agent tracking the real bad guys, not just some idiot parking in the wrong place.  
\- He did kill me.  
\- Wait what ?  
\- It’s a complicated story, Darlene.  
\- Care to explain ?  
\- Maybe another day ?”

It wasn’t the guy she spends all of last year with, and they weren’t yet close enough. She gets it, but it still hurts sometimes. Even if she’s happy to have her brother back, and that they’re both in good paths to do so much better. So she takes a deep breathe, before she answers. Because she doesn’t want to say what she thinks, she wants to say what Elliot needs to hear.

\- “I’ll be there whenever you’re ready.  
\- Thanks, Darlene. It’s meant a lot to me.”

She smiles. And he has that look, like he wants to say something, but he doesn’t know how. So she pushes him a little.

\- “What’s in your head dude ?  
\- Are we the bad guys Dom was meant to track ?  
\- Not anymore I think.  
\- Why wasn’t she looking for the real bad guys ? You guys, I mean, we were only trying to make the world a better place.  
\- The real bad guys ?” She repeats, because it feels like this isn’t just some sentence he thrown away without a though. He was away a long time be she’s still knows him well.  
\- “Like dad.” He whispers.  
And again, Darlene is speechless. But she knows he’s waiting for an answer, so she took all her courage and she said, trying to comfort him a little :  
\- “Some guys in FBI are looking for them. Actually, Dom gave me a number of one her friend. He’s working on finding those guys online, and I have an interview for a job in three days.  
\- Oh. That’s a good thing. I think you’re going to help a lot of people.  
\- I hope I’ll get this job.  
\- You will. And you’re going to make the world a better place, again.  
\- Thank you Elliot.”

They’re falling asleep on the couch, but just before everything went dark, Darlene heard her brother saying :

\- “You should really call the girl, Darlene.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still no Dom on this one, sorry, it just felt important to put all the context and everything. But she'll be there in the next one, cause, you know, Darlene really should call the girl.


	3. Consequences

Darlene wakes up and throws a look at the clock. 6:30. Shit, that’s early. She takes 5 deeps breathe before she gets out of bed. Then she takes a shower, a coffee. No breakfast because her stomach is already a mess. She put on a shirt. It feels weird but she really wants that job. She put a black pant, and she doesn’t know if she looks good. She misses Angela. Her friend would be a great help for that dressing thing. Another look at the clock. 7:15. She needs to go now. 

But she can’t. Her legs don’t move. Her breathing starts getting heavier, and it feels like a hammer is pounding in her chest. Shit, not that again. She tried to focus. She slowly sits on the couch and repeats in her head. “I’m fine. I’m safe. Everything is okay. I’m okay. I’m home”. And she repeats it again. She fails, sometimes, but then she tries again, she takes deeps breathe, and soon enough, she feels better. Still shaken but better, and she got her legs back. One more look at the clock. 7:25. Okay, she’s fine but she’s in a rush. She left in a hurry, and she forget her sunglasses. But it doesn’t matter because she’s safe now, and she doesn’t need to hide anymore.

She arrives at the FBI building pretty fast, and she got a visitor badge. It feels good to be here without handcuffs. Well she wouldn’t mind that much having Dom passing her handcuffs on more time actually. Shit, she really needs to focus on something else than Dom. Or maybe she should call her, like Elliot said. Maybe she will, after the interview. At least to say thank you, it was the strict minimum. Yeah, she had to call her to say thanks. She will. After promising herself that she will call Dom, some guy enters the room she was waiting in and told her to come with him. She shyly follows him. 

\- “Hey, I’m Matt. I’ll be the one with you for the interview and the IT test, but with everything Dom said about you you’re going to crush it I’m sure.  
\- Nice to meet you”, she answers, trying to be as much polite as she could be. “I didn’t know Dom talked about me, I thought she just gave me a number.  
\- Oh she did, but I called her after your call, and she seems really impressed by you so I had to meet you and give you a chance. It’s not every day that someone impress Dominique.”

She was a bit shock. Dom said good – really good it seems – things about her, even recently. She felt a bit weird, like she was on a spotlight and someone was hugging her but at the same time people were watching and it felt awkward. And then she realizes it. She felt proud of herself. Well, that was unusual. Shit, she forgot to answer to Matt. She was bad at interviews. They enter an office and he gave her a sit, and he sits too.

\- “So, why did you call this number ?” He asks. Generic motivation question.  
\- “I always wanted to help make the world a better place, and I thought your unit will give me this opportunity.” She came prepare.  
\- “But why this unit in particular ?  
\- I saw…” Breathe, Darlene, breathe. “I saw people close to me having troubles, with the kind of people you’re looking for. And I couldn’t help them and I run away. But maybe now that I can somehow help, and that I’m not running away anymore, I can help kids I don’t even know the same way I wish I could have help kids I’ve known.”

Shit, that was personal. She didn’t even know if all that came out from her mouth was well formed English.

\- “I get it. Dom was right to give you my number.  
\- Well, when was the last time Dom was wrong ?” She answers playfully, felling more confident. He laughs a bit and the atmosphere feels lighter.  
\- “Middle school maybe. I don’t know, we’re friends since years but we don’t talk a lot. She’s always busy.”

Well, that for sure was a lie. But she just smiles and makes small talk, and the interview seems more like a conversation with a friend even if she barely knows Matt. Then he said they should go for the IT test. They go in another room and she’s in front of a computer. The first one was just fixing a code. She did it in less than 10 minutes. The second one was entering a private web site – a fake one – without invitation. That was a bit more complicated, but after finding the server IP address, she just had to hack one computer and had the admin sending her an invitation. It took longer, but she enters the site and had all the addresses of all the peoples entering the sites via the admin server, so Matt said it was impressive and a sure bonus. For the last test, she had to find the IP address of a live stream, while the stream was using a VPN service making him change the visible IP address every five minutes. Since she couldn’t go fast enough to track it before the IP changes, she made a small algorithm able to do it fast, and she duplicate it, so it went ten times faster.

\- “Well, for what it worth, that’s the best IT work I’ve seen in a while.” Matt says, really impressed. And Darlene has the awkward feeling again. Pride.  
\- “Thank. I hope you will call me back.  
\- Actually, for me, you’re the one for the job.”

That’s it ? She got the job ?

\- “But since we’re FBI, you will need to pass a physical and a psychological exam. We can schedule it as soon as you want. You won’t be working on the field, so it won’t be a hard one, but still, you need to run a bit. And the psychological part is very considering we can discover ugly stuff. So, what do you say, in two days, 10 AM for the physical one ? And next Monday, 3PM for the psychological ?  
\- Yeah, sure”, she answers, unsure. Psychological test, for god sake. She was screwed.  
\- “Meet me in front of the building at 10 for the physical, and I’ll text you the address for the other one. Good for you ?  
\- Perfect. I can’t wait”.

He smiled. They said their goodbyes like old friends and she rushes home. She needs to call Dom.

Once at home, she took off her shirt and put a large t-shirt. She saw the glasses on the small table in front of the couch and after raising her eyebrows, she smiles. Is this what growing up feels like, she asks herself. She sits on the couch and takes her phones. 5 deeps breathe. And then she calls.  
\- “Darlene ?” A surprise voice answer. And damn, it feels so good to hear her voice.  
\- “Yeah, hey,” she says shyly cause now that she called, she doesn’t know what to say. Even so there’s so much she wants to say.  
\- “How are you ?  
\- I’m fine. I’m more than fine, actually, I just went to an interview for that FBI job you told me about, I think it went great. So I wanted to call and say thanks.  
\- Oh. That’s sweet. But you don’t have to thank me, you deserve it, Darlene.  
\- So, how’s Budapest ?”

She changes the subject. Because even if she always wanted to be a leader, when things started to be about her, she freaked out. She had always felt worthless, and despite wanting people to be proud of her, she never thought that maybe she didn’t need other people approval. Just to be proud of herself. And weirdly, Dom being proud of her made her feel proud. Shit, Elliot was right, Dom was so important to her.

\- “Budapest is great. You were right, I needed this time of. But I’ll probably be back in New-York in something like two weeks. I wanna see my family, they’ve been through so much because of me.  
\- I’m sorry.  
\- It’s not your fault, Darlene.  
\- Still.  
\- I’m glad you called”.

Shit, did she say something wrong ? Does that mean Dom wants to end the call ? Shit, why this girl made her feel so unsure. 

\- “Yeah, it was nice to hear your voice.  
\- I miss you, Darlene. And Budapest is nice but I’m alone here. Would you mind stay a bit more on the phone ?” 

Dom bites her lip. But she wants this too much to not at least try. But maybe Darlene just wants to say thanks and leave. After all why would she be interested in some ex-FBI idiot. Or maybe Darlene likes her. She can usually read Darlene but on this subject, their relationship, she’s totally blind and shy, like some teenager. The only person she ever felt that way about, well. She didn’t want to think about her now.

\- “I would love that. And I miss you too.  
\- So, was Matt nice ?  
\- Yeah ! And he mentions middle school, since when do you know this guy ?  
\- Oh, he did. He was my neighbor when we were kids, we grow up together. He’s an amazing guy, we even were together for quite a while. But that didn’t work out.  
\- Well I think I can guess why”, Darlene laughs. It feels so easy, talking to Dom.  
\- “Yeah, he guessed too. He was really cool about it tho. He was the first person to know about me liking girls. Then he was there when things weren’t easy at school. Anyway, that was a long time ago, I don’t want to bother you with my high school in the closet stories.  
\- You could never bother me, babe.” Shit, that came out without control. And Dom didn’t say anything. Shit, shit, breathe, Darlene. Breathe. “Sorry.  
\- It’s okay, I guess we already have a weird relationship. Even Alexa don’t call me babe.  
\- I’m surprise she doesn’t, you guys seem really close.  
\- Well you did kill her, so I guess we’ll never know.   
\- It, Dom, I killed it, it wasn’t a person !  
\- Still, don’t make it a habit. Two is enough.

Darlene freezes. Did Dom know ? Since when ? And she was still talking to her ? What the fuck was going on ?

\- “It’s okay, Darlene. Well, no, it’s not, but we’ll make it okay.  
\- You’re okay with, with that ?  
\- I’ve made my peace with it. We all made things we regret, don’t we ?  
\- I’m not sure I regret it.  
\- I get it, sometimes things are more complicated.  
\- So ten days in Budapest made you accept anything ? I’m sure before that you were the kind of person to always pay for subway.  
\- It’s not Budapest” Dom laughs. “ You never thought there was a reason I am so attach to follow to rules ?  
\- Actually, no. You were just a pain in my ass by then.   
\- I didn’t follow the rules, one time, when I was in the military.  
\- You were in the military ?  
\- I know what it’s like to not follow the rules, and I already had to deal with the consequences. It isn’t easy. So, yeah, I’ve made my peace with your mistakes and with mine. I just want a fresh start.  
\- What’s that mistake you made in the military ?  
\- I was young, and I thought I was right. One day,”

Elliot came in the apartment without even knocking and just start yelling :  
\- “Fuck, fuck, Darlene, I made something really bad” 

And just like that he was crying. She left Dom without even saying a proper goodbye, and rushes to her brother, asking what was happening. He showed her some papers, with the story of a woman who commit suicide after years of being clean. The rest of the paper was about addiction.

\- “I don’t get it, Elliot.” She says slowly.  
\- “She died, Darlene, and that’s all my fault. I killed her.  
\- It says she committed suicide.  
\- She did kill herself, because of me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I changed the rating not so much for this one, more for the next one. I'm trying to make longer chapter too. And I don't know a single thing about IT so sorry if this part was inaccurate


	4. Open-Hearted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you miss me ?  
> Joking, but sorry it took so long.

Elliot had spent the night at her place. He cried most of the time, and all she could do was giving him a shoulder to cry on. She stayed there, wishing she had the words, but words never really had been her thing. When they wake up the next morning, he pretends he had to go to work. Which is not really pretending since he does have to go, but she still doubts she went. But maybe he needs some time alone. She wanted to be there, to say the right thing, to hold him until he feels safe and better, but when Elliot sees her, when she takes him in her arms, everything felt real. He knows everything is real. And right now, he doesn’t need a reminder that this is real, he needs a break. Total opposite. Anyway. She has to go out buy sport stuff. Like shoes you can run with. She doesn’t know what tomorrow test will be and she doesn’t really want to know. 

She could search on the internet. Text Matt. Or call Dom, just to have some info. But she doesn’t, and when she thinks about it, there’s only one reason she doesn’t. And it’s not because she’s lazy, or because she doesn’t give a shit. It’s the opposite, actually : she cares. And she’s afraid to fail. Failing or succeeding, when you don’t care, when you barely try, it’s almost the same, because you won’t care about the result. But if she gives her all-self, if she invests and gives it a real try, and she fails, she would have fails for real. And it would be something that she cares about. Shit. She needed to get out of this circle of self-deprecation. She goes out, buy the things she will need tomorrow. Cheap basket, a short – a long one, she funds in the men section, but unlike the women one this one is comfy and has real pockets - and a large t-shirt. Not really her style, but still more than the shit she was wearing yesterday. 

She’s home now. And since she needs to break the circle and that she’s craving a friendly voice, she does it. She calls Dom. And thanks God, she answers.

\- “Hey,” Dom just says lazily.  
\- “Hey. Sorry ‘bout last night, Elliot had some troubles”. Shit, she’s nervous and she’s sure Dom can hear it.  
\- “Everything’s okay ? The Dark Army again ?” And shit, Dom starts to panic.  
\- “No no, don’t worry. It was more a personal thing, actually.  
\- Oh. I hope he’s better.  
\- I hope to.  
\- And you don’t need to apologize, Darlene. He’s your family, I get it.”

Damn, she loves – no no no. She likes when Dom says her name. It heals her in a way she can’t fully explain. Hmm, still sounds a lot like love but she doesn’t want to think it. She can’t fall for Dom. Well maybe it’s too late, actually.

\- “Darlene, you’re still here ?  
\- Yeah, I got lost in my thoughts.  
\- A penny for your thoughts ?” Dom says with a smile in her voice and Darlene can’t help laughing.  
\- “Really, girl scout, this old expression ?  
\- Come on, a lot of people use this expression !  
\- I wasn’t asking for statistics. But I do have something to ask tho.  
\- Tell me.” Dom’s voice is more serious now. And Darlene must admit it’s pretty sexy. Shit, she needs to control. They’re barely friends, if they are, she needs to low down her expectations.  
\- “I have a physical test with the FBI tomorrow and I’m afraid I won’t pass if they ask me to run more than a hundred meters. Actually maybe a hundred meters is too much. I smoke a lot, do you know that ?  
\- Yeah, I saw. You don’t have anything to worry about, it’s just so they have an idea of your level for the softball tournament.  
\- Not funny, Dom.  
\- I’m not kidding. That’s the truth.  
\- And what’s the psychological test about ?  
\- Oh, this one is more serious. But you’re going to crush it, don’t worry. Don’t see it as a test, more like as an appraisal.   
\- Meaning ?  
\- Don’t worry about last year, they already know, trust me. They just want to know how much you can’t take before you fail down.  
\- Oh thanks, that’s really comforting.  
\- You’ve already been thought worse than a small psychological test, Darlene.   
\- Yep, had some really shitty life. Lucky I met you in this mess.” Shit, she really needs to think before she talks. But she can almost hear Dom blushing on the phone and that makes her more confident. “So, thanks for those answers. Do you want to finish your story, the one I had to cut short yesterday ?  
\- I can’t, I’m meeting a.” Short silence, but Darlene hears it. “A friend, and I’m already late.” Shit, that’s hurt. “But I’ll call you soon, okay ? And I’m in New-York in 10 days, I booked the plane already.  
\- You booked a whole plane ?  
\- Figure of speech. Anyway, I have to go. But talk to you soon.”

Darlene takes all the courage she has left and try a last bold move. Because if this so-called friend of Dom is into her, Dom will have to tell her there’s competition. Shit, she shouldn’t be doing that. But she does it anyway.

\- “I can’t wait to see you. I missed you since the day you left.  
\- She’s only a friend, Darlene. My hesitation was because we just met and I don’t have a lot of friends, but she’s only a friend.  
\- Yeah, of course, I didn’t say…” Dom has always read her, and now Darlene doesn’t know what to say.  
\- I miss you too.  
\- Still masturbating on my videotapes?” They were playing this mouse and cat game now, and no way Darlene will be the mouse. She wanted the last word.  
\- “I…  
\- Have to go ? Yeah, I know. Talk to you soon babe,” Darlene completes playfully.  
\- “I’m sorry about that.  
\- That’s okay, it should have stay between you and Alexa anyway.” And just like that, it felt like a small victory. And not because she had the last word, but because she hears Dom’s laugh on the phone, and it felt like heaven is a place on earth. A place where you can hear Dom laughing, and you can kiss her while she laughs. Shit, she should really smoke less weed.   
\- “When I come back, I think we should talk.  
\- We’re talking right now.  
\- About us.” And then, Dom lost all her sudden confidence and starts stammer. “If you want to, if there’s an us. I don’t really know with everything that happen, and the plane stuff, and you kissed me, well it was quick but still, and …  
\- Calm down, girl scout. You’re right. We should talk.  
\- Thanks” and Darlene can hear her relax. “I’m really late, sorry I have to go.   
\- Don’t be sorry. You deserve a proper vacation.  
\- I’ll call tomorrow, I promise.   
\- Have fun babe”

Dom should have hung out the phone 15 minutes ago. But neither one of them could. They both needed to learn how to be fine on their own, she knew it. But Dom just wanted to hear her voice, again and again. But she had to go. It was necessary. Plus she was really late.

\- “Good luck for tomorrow” She just say before she ends the call.

And just like that, Darlene is alone again. She thought about calling a friend and spent the afternoon in a movie theater or walking around. But she had no one. All the people she once thoughts she could call friends, are dead now. She never felt like she needed a structured social life. She had some people in her life, they hang out, and that was it. She never was really popular in school, but she wasn’t a lone wolf either. She always needed other people approval. And now that she didn’t have anyone, who was going to approve her if it wasn’t herself ? Okay, she was thinking too much. She needed something to do. What do people when they got bored ? 

She decided to go to a library close by. She spent the afternoon nose in books and it somehow magically felt better. She reads a bit about psychology, just so she doesn’t look like an idiot at her test, and then she reads a bit of sci-fi. She and Elliot were big fan when they were kids, but it’s been a while since she opened a book, and she smiles reading across spaces stories. She texts him, asks him if he wants to come for dinner. First surprise, he answers right away. Second one, he said yes. She looks a recipe on her phone and go to a small store and pick some ingredients needed for the recipe. She comes home and decides to cook. It’s not as easy as it looks, she thinks. She tried with a video and it works better. She’s trying to make homemade quesadillas. She doesn’t know if it’s her thing or Elliot’s, but it’s time to find out. After burning at least five of them, Elliot arrives. He doesn’t say a word, he just slowly takes the tortilla and shows her. When it’s done, they eat in silence. But not a rude awkward one, a familiar quiet silence. A warm one, if that exist. 

\- “Thank you, Darlene.  
\- Well thanks to you, you saved my burning diner dude”. The dude part was not useful, but she tried to distance him. To not go on the emotional road. She’s already exhausting. And surprisingly, he seems to get it, and simply answers :  
\- “I’m your big brother, I won’t let you starve. And we took care of each other, right ?  
\- Right. How are you ?  
\- Better. Slowly. I saw Krista earlier. I’m surprise she’s still okay to see me.  
\- She would miss you pretty face.  
\- She’s a strong woman, she’ll get over it.  
\- Probably. But just so you know, if I don’t see your pretty face sometimes, I won’t get over it.  
\- You won’t have to. And it doesn’t mean you’re not a strong woman. Speaking of, don’t you have you test tomorrow ?  
\- Yeah I do. Dom said it was just a joke, some test to see if they want me in their softball team.  
\- So you called the girl.  
\- I did. She’s coming back soon. I think I’ll ask her on a date.  
\- I totally ship it.” He said, smiling and laughing. Then, he sees she’s a bit uncomfortable, so he changed the subject. “I should let you rest. I don’t want to be the one who made you lose the softball selection.  
\- That’s so considerate of you,” she jokes.  
\- “Lunch tomorrow ?   
\- Sure. I’ll text you when I’ll finish my test.  
\- Perfect. Good night Darlene.” 

He hugs her, quickly. She said goodbye, and he left. She takes a shower, and watch a movie before falling asleep. But just before falling asleep, she receives a text from Dom, just saying “good luck again for tomorrow. Softball team is nice but make it clear with them that you’re not available, okay ?”. She laughs at that. Dom is into her, it seems. She feels better than she ever felt. “Don’t worry, I’m all yours”, she answers.  
“See you soon hon’ ”, she reads. And she falls asleep. A smile on her face. For the first time, ever.


	5. Being a ghost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short one, hope you'll like it anyway

She’s walking. The sun is high and shine, and the weather is way too hot, she’s feeling her blood boiling in her veins. But she has to keep going.

\- “Hey, don’t leave without me !”, yells Stephanie while running toward her, smiling.  
\- “I was supposed to go alone,” Dom defends herself.  
\- “Liar. You’re not supposed to go at all. Chef was clear, this isn’t safe enough.  
\- We’re in a war territory, it isn’t safe anywhere.  
\- I said enough.  
\- I can handle myself, thanks.”

She didn’t want Steph to come. It was disturbing and she cares about her safety. But spending time alone with her was Dom’s favorite thing, so she doesn’t insist when Stephanie says she’ll come. A young boy got lost in the desert and her chef doesn’t want to go looking for him, but his village did so much for them, she had to try. She escapes the camp during lunch break, and now she’s searching a desert in the start of the afternoon, with a 20kg bag and an AK-47. And this shit was heavy. But she could use a weapon if a enemy soldier crossed her way, which was more than likely and was also one of the reason her boss didn’t want anyone to go.

\- “Two more weeks and I’ll finally go home.” Steph says, breaking the silence.  
\- “Oh, did you get a permission ?  
\- No, actually, I’m leaving for good. US Army and I are soon to be over.  
\- Why ? I though being a soldier was your dream job ?  
\- Do you feel like we’re protecting our people there ? I feel more like I’m protecting a few politics and CEOs. I wanna do something for people, and I think it was the wrong way. Plus, I don’t want to kill. I can’t do this anymore.  
\- It’s a war, we cannot nicely ask them to surrender.  
\- I know. That’s why I quit. But that should be a good news, don’t pout !  
\- I’m not.” Well, maybe she was a little bit. “But you’re right, that’s a good news. I hope you’ll be happy in whatever you want to do.  
\- It also means we can finally be together, openly. No more don’t date you coworker rule, you know.”

Dom smiles. It’s been two years. Two long years pretending she’s single, lying to her crew and family. Two years feeling like she was back in the closet, two years of secret meeting, not taking a place together, not being able to kiss the woman she loves in the street. She felt relieve.

\- “I can’t wait for you to meet my mom. She’s going to be the happiest. She wants me to settle down since so long. She’s going to love you.  
\- I can’t wait either.”

Steph didn’t talk to her mother anymore. No to anyone in her family, actually. After being out by some girl at her school, she was kicked out of her house, and without the US Army she would’ve been in the streets. And for that, she was grateful. They keep talking and making plans while walking in the desert, and the weather wasn’t so warm anymore, and the night started falling. They had to go back. They didn’t find the boy.

\- “He’s just a child, we can’t let him spend the night in the desert.  
\- I know Dom, but we won’t find him now. It’s not like we have a choice.  
\- If it was our kid, wouldn’t you be looking for him even in the dark ?  
\- Don’t blackmail me with our future children.” Dom smiles again. “Okay, let’s look another hour and then we’ll go back, deal ?  
\- Deal, but one last question.” Dom can’t wait. She puts a knee on the rough warm sand, and she asks : “Would you marry me ?”

And Steph fells on the ground. She doesn’t get it, first. And then she gets. And Steph says what will be her last word. “Run.”. And Dom can’t do anything else, so she runs. She had never run so fast and she will never run so fast. She takes a bullet on her back, but she keeps running, she will never know how, but she runs. 

The rest felt like she was just out of her body. She made it to the camp. Transfer to a hospital. Fired from the US Army, went to see a hundred therapist, both for her body and mind. Once her body was fine, she enters the FBI. She never told anyone about Steph. They were friends, that’s all. That’s what she says, that she lost her best friend. And that’s not a lie, it’s just not the whole truth. She goes to the funeral but there’s no body to put in the ground. And there’s nobody, also. Steph’s family didn’t come. So she finds them and go to Steph’s mother door, and she yells at her, she got all psycho, and then she left. But she still feels empty inside.

She works her ass in the FBI. But she has a shitty life. She barely eats, she doesn’t have friends, she doesn’t visit her family, she just works. Her therapist says she’s punishing herself and she stops seeing her therapist. Her works takes all her life, almost. Once a week, she goes to an LGBTQ+ association and she helps kids with their homework. Kids that have been fired from their houses, just like Steph was. She wants to do this, for Steph. This is actually the only thing that makes her feels better. It’s a healthier way to grief, and she knows it. She almost quits just because of it. Because she doesn’t feel like she deserves to heal.

And then, slowly, it starts to go better. She still doesn’t laugh, but sometimes she goes to see a movie. She visits her mom more often. She talks to people online and it helps. And she gets that fascinate case at work. And just when it starts getting better, she’s in China and guns starts shouting. It feels like she’s back in the desert again. And it got worse and worse. And even if it got worse, she met Darlene and it feels like light has reenters her life. And Darlene kisses her and she feels a little bit guilty because now, the last lips which were on hers aren’t Stephanie’s. But Darlene likes her, and her heart felt warm for the first time in years. So she kisses her back. And it was all a lie. And the barn happens, and all this anger she has in her since years, she spells it on Darlene. 

Dom wakes up, crying. She dreamt about Steph. About her, saying yes. She never said yes. She never will. But, she would’ve wanted me to be happy, she thinks. And, still in tears, she calls Darlene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was really surprise when the Dark Army threatened Dom's family cause she seemed so alone, and I never really get why she is so alone, so I tried to find an explanation in this fic. I don't know if someone still reading this but if you did I really hope you enjoyed it  
> Have a nice day :)


End file.
